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Tennessee and Tennecare say I can't have Medicaid because I answered these questions that would have qualified me had I answered differently. Have you ever been married? NO
Do you have any children? NO
Are you Hispanic or not Caucasin? NO
Do you have cancer? NO
Sorry. you do not qualify
Are you disabled? YES
Do you have Medicare? YES
Sorry, that is considered other insurance even though no it does not cover your bills and many medical professionals do not accept.
What the heck?? Just had double mastectomy. Require phsychiatric appts and meds, and am going to have to have another reconstruction?????
Does this seem right??
December 15, I had a double mastectomy, and reconstruction surgery everyone thought went well.
It was my younger sister's birthday, the one I am close to, who moved away for good I fear. I did not hear from her Thanksgiving, Birthday, or Christmas. So different, life has gone dark. Then Maggie one of my miniature dachschunds, on December 23, lying behind me on the bed went renal failure and shock and after rushing her to the emergency clinic, we had to let them put her down. My sweet itty-bitty. I miss you so. 14 yrs, U qould have rawled up on that table and said here take me instead, but my mind knows what the heart cannot comprehend, Death must come, and it often comes so quick, changing life forever. In grief, I spent Christmas alone.
Then I developed cellulitis on the right side and felt I would literally die, and you can I later found out. I have completely shutdown. I have not been out in 5 days. There is so much swelling, and I must come to terms with my body and how surreaal all this feels.
I no longer see my therapist because she had said she had thought of sending the police to do a safety check. Not exactly what someone with PTSD wants to hear could come from left field. I never want to be in a Psychiatric Hospital again. It is like being in the belly of the beast. My worst phobia realized, entrapped, life is dark.
I see my psychiatrist for meds I comply with except when I run out and I am too down to move. I have spiralled to the bottom. I hope you are happy Daddy. You will be dead now on March 11 a whole year. I am failing and don't really exist in the world or to the world just as you intended when you disinherited-erased-reduced me.
The credit card people won in court because I had no legal help past the motion to dismiss I wrote myself. The Sheriff came for Court cost. I told him I am disabled and had just had this operation, that all I receuve is social security and he does not even cover the medical bills that are bankrupting me. I do not even have a checking account because I no longer could manage. One person and my pets keep me alive. Without her or them I would certainly walk off the earth. Nothing feels safe, normal, consistent, stable, not the world, life, or me. I am so sad so alone and nothing feels good. I used to dream,hope, have goals, but even the closest of loves, my dog's and cat's, are painful as they grow old and leave me tragically. I fear I will never recover financially, mentally, emotionally, or physically. Sometimes I think you can just experience too much pain and loss here, that there is more that has gone to the other side and is waiting that is good. Just my dog's, cat's, and grandparent's, and maybe my God though I am no longer sure what that is I once looked forward to going home there, beyond, where all that made good in me waits. I no longer need anything. That is what scares me. Not even knowing I must need to be.
Hi Starshine thankyou. That poem is actually derived from a Sylvia Brown Book. I can't remember the name of it but it was one of her earlier ones and it gave me
hope when Junior died in 2001, my other bassett who was only a year old and grew too big for the cancerous half kidney he was born with and without the other. I hope she is right. I miss all my animals I have lost and sometimes, especially with Richie, I was ready to go with him. One of my miniature dachshunds just had thyroid cancer removed and her sister has cushings disease. They are 13-14. I have told myself I will go with them to keep myself from dying inside anymore. My other cat is 14, a dog 12, 10, and 8-9, and 5 and a half. They go so fast. Thank you for reminding me. I was a Philosophy major and it is hard not to be pessimistic after existentialism and death and dying classes. My senior thesis was disproving Descartes Cogito Ergo Sum- I think therefore I am. I said I think therefore I think. I am a spiritual, sensitive and not sure if good or bad a person who has many alter states that believe and don't. I want to believe. I don't wish to see my father in heaven, but I don't think he went there March 11, 2010. Still, maybe that is why I am here-because I don't want to know. Thank you again. Emily
No one ever expects or "intends" to have hard times or become disabled. I was very successful, and I use that term lightly, and then I got sick and could not pay my bills. Credit card company started coming after me for late charges, over limit charges, and interest. Took me to court using some other account billing and judge gave them a summary judgement because I could not go. My doctors sent letters, I wrote judge explaining disability, death of father and dis-inheritance, and overwhelming medical bills that will include the double mastectomy I have to have next month all to no avail. It seems our judicial system is short on disability compassion and laws when it comes to the ruthlessness of collectors and the hardships disabled adults encounter when they never intended or would want to be disabled. I never saw myself in this place. I wish more people would have compassion and appeal to their local judicial systems to lend and ear and also lend some concessions. The debt collector's office is 1.8 miles from my home and they randomly drive by or park across street. I have nothing more to give. There is nothing to take and their actions make me frightened. It is harassing, but legal, though my doctor wrote them that it was harming me. They are going to take me to court again I know and legal aid says there is nothing I can do. It has made me consider dying to get out from under the pressure of becoming disabled with no family support. I am white, have never been married, have no children, and therefore, TENNCARE will not even pick up what Medicare will not. I am private paying for some of my health care, getting max food stamps, and paying for meds no Medicare will pay for because I have been taking for years and they can become addictive. I have been sober for 15 years and yet I did not expect this level of dysfunction. We also had the bad flood which destroyed my beautiful garden that was my therapy and peace. Metro Nashville Water messed up the yard drive and concrete and they did not fix. It feels like I am under attack. I can't find help- I just don't fall into their criteria just right and therefore I have become quite hopeless. I wish TN Governor and Nashville Mayor would look at the mentally ill and disabled adults falling through the cracks because the system is so impersonal. People like me are invisible and it appears dispensable. I wish laws in TN on Disability were enforced more stringently so bottom feeders like Capital One would be called on unethical and malicious harassment and operations that go against the help they fraudulently offered last year on TV. They are exploiting those who no longer have the resources to fight back. I am one. The system leaves you with the option of bankruptcy you can not understand or afford. The thing is i have tried so hard to negotiate and get better and there is no healing. I hope I make it to a better place where I don't have to fear these debt collectors or loath myself for falling so far.
wish land with some tree, a treehouse, greenhouse, or shelter that is off grid. a place to wander, grow food, write and paint.
would fix up old barn, silo, cave. need peace to be in this world, conservation or greenbelt
I will have surgery in Dec. should have last month but cancelled. Have had 5 surgeries so time to just clean the slate at the best hospital in the South.
Family history- 4 great aunts, grandmother, sister at 41, other grandmother ovarian at 36-died-grandfather and uncles-prostate-we are one of those cancer families ya know? Have always know I would do this. First surgery at 30. I am afraid, but it is the right time and I won't have to get all the dye MRI's every six months and ultrasounds and mammograms. This came up 3 months after last one and was excited b/c had been stable for two years on left side, which you aim for, and then this was different and showed up on right. Have a great Oncology Surgeon who is well published and did two other surgeries. Had to get a diff plastic surgeon for reconstruction b/c I was uncomfortable with other. They gave me Head of Dept. The Best. Was a God thing. Thanks for thinking of me and any prayers. Have had a hard few years-flood-lost two pets- city messed up my perennial garden with storm water easement- father died in March and disinherited me- now this. I'm a survivor. Quit school, ran away but went to college eventually-had my own business, got sober in 1995, couple knee surgeries, bilateral carpal tunnel surgery, 5 spinal blocks, 5 breast lumpectomy/surgical biopsies, bulging disc. Lost my grandmother whom I loved, my best dog Abbey,Junior, Domino, Richie, my cat, my Aunt killed herself, and I am osteracized from my family. We are The Faulknerian metaphor- The Lost Eden - The Lost South. Thus, my desire for tranquility and peace. Thanks for caring. I almost let it make me numb, almost made me dead, but I'm still here for some purpose yet to be revealed.
Hope you find your beach!
I WOULD love to live on a small acreage of land and try to be self sustaining= build a small greenhouse, a treehouse or cabin, cave home or something with maybe small creek. want my dogs and to do my art. i want an eco home. green. solace, peace, i'm disabled mentally from a choatic childhood and disabilities mentally/ but all i need is the haven in country, wilderness, mountains of tn. and fresh air=sunlight and not to be afraid anymore. I get ss and am having double mastectomy. I want a simple easier life where it is quite. i don't need much or fancy.
my psychiatrist just bugged out b/c it is not profitable to see medicare patients. What the hey. another search, another rerun. it gets old.
I have exhausted all the sources I know. Was disinherited this year and am so weary of jumping hoops to get meager SS and Food stamps. My bills are great medically cause I need therapy and Fixing to have double mastectomy. Medicaid said I am not medically eligible but I receive disability for Bipolar, and PTSD. Have 14 yrs sober, but am tired and want to give up. Lost my cat this year that I had for 15 yrs and the flood came thru my front door. Would be on the street without friend. I want to live again. I want a real life. So tired of being tired, scared, sick, and poor. IGBOK but still it gets tiring. Need some help, advice. a little God with skin. A government that cares. I did not get here by myself.